How to Find a Real Woman

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Photo provided courtesy of MorgueFile.com

Recently Facebook has turned into a social therapy filled with posters of love, courage, and inspiration.  Although scrolling through my feed filled with oversized pictures of “words of wisdom” from strangers can get a little annoying, there are times when I find something worth pausing for and reading.  However, this “Real Woman” wisdom has been bothering me the most lately.  Not really sure why.  Perhaps it’s because as I go through learning how to love myself, make better choices, and be more responsible I’ve come to an understanding that there is no such thing as a “Real Woman.” 
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Happy to Go Back to the Movie Theater

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Photo Courtesy of Morgue File

Aside from a few years ago when my ex-husband and I attended free movie screenings like a part-time job, I recently found myself going back to the movie theater more often than the days of my teens.  Although our movie tastes match like plaid and polka dots, we enjoy our time in a dark room in front of the big screen and it’s not just because he pays.  He enjoys the theater and his beloved action adventure and I love a good laugh.  Tomorrow we have a date to see another movie we may or may not agree on, but whether we agree is not my issue. More

Is Perfectionism Really a Hindrance?

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English: perfectionism at its finest                                                                    

English: perfectionism at its finest        English: perfectionism at its finest

English: perfectionist measuring and cutting grass

I recently read a blog I’m subscribed to, Marc and Angel Hack Life.  Their most recent post emailed to me titled “12 Things Successful People Do Differently.”  Well, I scanned through the post, planning to read the details later, and I’m halted by successful difference number five.  Number five says successful people “Avoid the trap of trying to make things perfect.”  My breath comes to a short halt as I come to a revelation of questions.  What does the need to make things perfect really do to people?  Does perfectionism hinder progress or propel it?  Is it okay to go back and “perfect” things later?  If not, does doing that mean you are less likely to move toward success because of backtracking?  And the even worse question, what is to come of me if I don’t learn how to release the need to make everything perfect?   Can perfectionism really be that bad for your life? (now that’s the ultimate question).

The funny thing is that post is not the first time I’ve come across the lesson of releasing perfectionism to propel myself towards the success I seek, but for some reason this time it really hit me where it hurts.  Perhaps it’s because I so desperately seek and need a certain amount of success to feel like all of my efforts in the past couple of years have not been in vain.  I know true success takes time,  especially when you’re transforming from a natural-born introvert to a self-made extrovert, but I think my desire for success is more based on need than want.  Sure I need to become more successful than I’ve been because I chose to solely rely on working from home as a means of income instead of returning to a job I despised after an injury then working until my home business income surpassed my job income.  But I honestly don’t think my need to see everything exactly as I see the need for it to turn out is keeping me from experiencing life in a way that I only dream about now.  Now there are times, like now, where one project could take me hours because I won’t put out junk and I’ve always taken pride in making anything I’m a part of look the best it can.  I also secretly desire a high level of perfection in the things other people do and it drives me crazy to see people who don’t seem to care about the standard of quality for what they do.   So in that aspect I can understand, where my perfectionist way slows me down.  No one needs to spend hours doing any one thing, I think that’s why I never liked school, but I can’t help spending time making a work look its best if I have to associate my name with it, especially when I write.

All of those, and a few more things about me brings me to answer some of  my revelation of questions.  Perfectionism does not hinder success, people do.  Looking at my life and coming to some realizations concerning how I’ve lived, I see my hindrance of success coming from other aspects of my personality and belief system.  I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with wanting, expecting and attempting to make things look their best.  The real culprit of success hindrance is fear, especially for me.  I never met a situation that didn’t make me crazy with fear.  Fear drives much of our lives keeping us from making advances and going forward with thoughts and ideas.  Personally, as an introvert working to evolve, fear gets the best of me because I’ve spent a great deal of my life running away from problems and I never met a person who insisted on challenging my personality and character to become more successful except a great mentor and home business partner I met about a year ago.

What us perfectionists really want is everything to look right, but what we really feel is fear things aren’t as good as they could be (and yes it’s all an unconscious desire for approval).  Right now, I’m slowed down writing this post not in paralyzing fear, but in a concerned fear the reader will find my writing unclear or I’ll overlook a writing error.  But my fears keep me from speeding toward success, not my need to make things in my life look their best.   Perfectionism is a challenge of character, not success.   The need to make things perfect (although only an attempt, not an actual destination) is never going to impede a person’s path to gain success.   What I learned in a book titled Thick Face, Black Heart by Chin-Ning Chu is success has no rules [or personality requirements].  A person can live highly successful with a mental illness, personality issues, or without good morals and values.  According to Chu, success has no respect of person.  According to the bible, everything has it’s purpose in time.  According to me, what’s meant to happen will happen.  Since there are no short cuts to success, a person only has to become available for success to happen in due time, not perfect or imperfect.

Successful (song)

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What’s Your Two Cents Worth to Kobe Bryant’s Million Dollar Divorce Law?

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English: Kobe Bryant, Lakers shooting guard, s...

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I dedicate this post to all the men and women pissed at or envious of Vanessa Bryant’s settlement in her recent divorce proceedings from basketball star, Kobe Bryant.  Well, some say she doesn’t deserve it.  Some say she planned to stay with him just so she could get a 75 million dollar settlement.  Some like me, share the feeling of carelessness.  I’m sure Kobe is not as upset as some of the people I see who are openly blasting the future ex for getting, not what she may deserve, but what California law says Kobe owes her.  It’s not Vanessa’s fault Kobe felt he didn’t need a prenuptial agreement.  It’s not her fault California law is what it is (a community property state).  Heck it’s not her fault they live in California.  And I can’t say whose fault it is they are even getting divorced, but I do know from personal experience, relationship issues are never one-sided.  So I’d hate for people to just assume Vanessa sat innocently victimized for 10 years, unless the relationship included abuse.  In that case, I would hope 75 million dollars would not be worth staying in a dangerous marriage. More

Dancing Grandma Exploits Herself on Youtube

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Courtesy of YouTube http://youtu.be/XPiF_TyS5VQ 

Watch the older woman in this YouTube video.  She is cute, not so much hilarious, but she has a certain appeal to her.  I think that appeal comes from her inhibition to “make a fool of herself”.  At first the video annoyed me until I realized the courage it takes to do something unexpected of you or to follow the leads of other successful people as my mentor says.  It is clear younger people coach the woman, maybe her children or grandchildren, but this is not about seniors being taken advantage of.

This is about people opening up their minds and releasing their inhibitions to just live, have fun, help someone else and take advantage of a changing world.
  Although to many sensible people this is an exploitation, I view it as a woman jumping on an opportunity.  I don’t know the woman personally, so I can’t say what she is missing in her life.  I do respect her free-spirited thinking to say, “yes, I’ll help you guys do a silly video for all the world to see”.  And if you don’t look at the video as an older woman being made a fool of, but as an older woman whose idea of fun is not bound by her age and the culture of time that raised her, then the video is more entertaining and inspiring than offensive.

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(Plug for the best sugar scrub I’ve come across in my lifetime) Ordered a mango and a strawberry scented homemade sugar scrub from Good Scents Oils. The box four days later and like a kid at Christmas I tore it open to find the most sweet aroma flowing into the air. Although I haven’t had the pleasure of using my new found treasure, I did have the pleasure of getting a hand sample from one of the sales divas (as they are called) last month at a business networkers meeting. So I already knew what to expect from the product, but it was just a sample after all. The thing that sold me the most about the scrubs is that EVERY scent smells just as it is named, no guessing, no nose turning. P.S. they have other great products as well, but for the body odor conscious, these scrub scents are the best.

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Give Yourself a GOOD Scrubbing

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