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Recently Facebook has turned into a social therapy filled with posters of love, courage, and inspiration.  Although scrolling through my feed filled with oversized pictures of “words of wisdom” from strangers can get a little annoying, there are times when I find something worth pausing for and reading.  However, this “Real Woman” wisdom has been bothering me the most lately.  Not really sure why.  Perhaps it’s because as I go through learning how to love myself, make better choices, and be more responsible I’ve come to an understanding that there is no such thing as a “Real Woman.” 


Would the existence of “Real Women” imply that every other woman is a fake woman?  What does a “Real Woman” consist of?  Who the hell developed the characteristics of a “Real Woman?”  How does one find a “Real Woman”? I don’t believe there’s such a thing as a “Real Woman.”  I believe there’s such a thing as a mature, responsible, valuable, Virtuous Woman (see Proverbs 31).

I’ve been hurt by men, those I’ve been in love with, those I haven’t been in love with, all of whom clearly didn’t love me in the way I deserved.  But I simply refuse to say that I became a “Real Woman” just because I allowed myself to be the doormat to someone’s emotional issues for a short or long period of time.  The bible declares there’s a time for all things to begin and end. Whether I ended my negative connections or life forced me to, what was not for me is now gone from me. 

Situations I went through with the man I loved was life’s way of teaching me my value and my strength.  It was not life’s way of determining my realism and I was no less a “Real Woman” before my negative relationship experiences.

What determined the inevitable end to how much B.S. I took from my own husband was the fact that I developed a relationship with God.  When a person with low self-esteem takes that one step, that’s when she begins to view herself differently.  Even afterward I struggled with wanting my marriage to work and accepting the reality of living a more peaceful, joyous and drama free existence without the man I loved.  For me that meant one of two things had to happen: 1. My husband would have decided to go on the growth journey with me and we would live happily ever after. 2. (What happened anyway) He moved on with his life with someone else forcing me to grow up and learn to move forward. 

Raising your awareness about who you are to your Creator increases your self-worth mindset.  That’s when one really gains the strength to remove all the weeds from their beautiful garden of life.  You don’t find you’re a “Real Woman” because you let a man hurt you before you gained a lesson of worth and value.  You find you’re a REAL Woman because God made you. Every attempt at living is just a notch in the badge of REAL LIFE. We are responsible for what our badges represent.

The truth is “a Real Woman already has enough wisdom, knowledge, understanding and courage to recognize, cut off, and immediately walk away from bottom feeding people before they even get a chance to eat away at her soul AND her life.”  A “Real Woman” won’t stand for drama and is bold enough to say no thank you.  That’s how we as human beings protect ourselves from unnecessary lessons of strength and self-worth. 

We should already be endowed with those characteristics, but most of us are not. Because most of us are not endowed with self-esteem, as women living in a real world, life signs us up for the course of self-esteem and self-love.  How many times you take that course is determined by how much of a mature, responsible, wise and virtuous woman you REALLY are.